Manhattan, NY – For the 3,756th consecutive day, the TONU closed at an even-Steven $150 bucks. U.S. crude jumped 9% this week to over $100 per barrel amid escalating tensions in the Middle East. Anyone expecting TONU futures to follow suit was instead advised to kick rocks. “I thought we’d eventually see a correction—maybe TONUs keep pace with inflation or fuel—but no such luck,” said small fleet owner Armen Vasa. With a constricting driver pool, OTR rates began to climb back towards pre-COVID levels —great news for anyone not deadheading 50 miles to a pickup only to learn their broker forgot Indianapolis is Eastern Time. “I burned through rush hour to a closed shipper,” said driver Sergei Dvorak. “The dummy thought Indy was Central. Then he offers $150, like I’m nostalgic for a simpler time. Now the gate cop is giving me the stink eye, shooing me away…that cream face loon! A plague on both your houses!” In other transportation futures, layovers closed at $150, detention held at $50 per hour, and compensation for a mechanical breakdown was a laughing emoji.