Stokesdale, NC

Nearly reduced to tears as he addressed his bereaved staff Tuesday morning, regional TeeQual Logistics office manager Jerry McQueeny informed employees of a “catastrophic service interruption” resulting from a driver’s untimely death. “As some of you may have heard by now, we experienced an unexpected loss of revenue this morning,” stated McQueeny just minutes after contracted driver Stoj Novak had drawn his last breath. “We’ll have grief counselors on-site all morning to help everyone process the reduced profit margin.”

According to reports, Novak plummeted to the ground while cleaning the top of his trailer after being advised by TeeQual Logistics minutes before delivery that every surface of the trailer — including the exterior walls and roof — needed to be “food grade.” Between muffled sobs and a series of veiled threats directed at the carrier’s dispatcher, McQueeny reflected on the tragedy. “I keep replaying it over and over in my mind. Had we just booked the sketchy option that Carrier Services refused to greenlight, we could’ve avoided the catastrophe of delivering late and likely pocketed an extra fifty bucks.” said McQueeny as Novak’s vital organs were being parceled out for donation.

“My client is out of office today, so I’ll need to notify their next of kin that the truck’s running behind,” explained broker Lance Cody as the county mortician wheeled Novak’s body into a cold locker. “I hope they’re sitting down. They won’t take a delay in transit lightly.”

After closely reviewing the contractual fine print, the office reportedly found reason for optimism. Under the rate confirmation Section II, Subclause 14b: “If the organism operating the tractor expires during transit, the carrier must dispatch another lifeform to re-power the rig within 30 minutes or be subject to a rate reduction.” “Thank God, that should offset most of the loss,” said a visibly relieved McQueeny.

Employees later observed a moment of silence for the account’s deteriorating on-time metrics before organizing a meal train for the customer, still grieving the late arrival of their truckload of soiled mattresses, just as Novak was lowered into an unmarked grave.